my twins are 5!!

I can't believe I have had these little crazy people in my life for 5 yrs!! I still remember the day I found out I was having twins. Rob was not at the appointment with me because I didn't think it was for anything special. I was having an ultra sound to found out how far along was. So there I was with Luke who was like 9months old strapped in a stroller screaming his guts out the whole time. I was trying to act like I wasn't phased by his tantrum when in I reality I was sweating from the anxiety I was feeling, wanting to scream myself at the nurse to just hurry up and finish the dang appointment!! "I got stuff to do yo!!" But it was the nurse who let out an exclamation "OH MY GOSH!!" terror, sheer terror ran through my whole body "WHAT?! WHAT IS IT?!" I yelled back as she just stared at me, with a hint of disgust I might add, "there's two babies in there" she almost whispered. My terror was replaced by full, ultimate joy, a smile spread across my face and suddenly I wasn't pretending that Lucas's little wiggle body wasn't making me want to pop a whole bottle of Zanax. Somehow I loved him even more at that moment than I already did, I loved another two babies in my tummy that I hadn't even met yet and I felt more like a "mom" than I ever felt possible. As I sat in the waiting room absorbing the news I had just been given, I had tried calling and telling Rob and he had hung up on me cuz he thought I was lying, I felt such peace, and hope and love and all of those wonderful things you are constantly searching for. Lucas had calmed down and was just sitting on my lap as if he too had some thinking to do about this new situation we were in. The phone calls that followed were filled with excitement and joy and disbelief. It was this amazing miracle that even strangers were excited to hear about. These little babies brought me peace many times for the next few months. My world felt like it was falling apart around me. Rob was laid off, he was going to school to be a helicopter pilot and his school went bankrupt and shut down. I felt like every time he walked in the door he had bad news to tell me. My Dad was slowly and painfully dying  and I was in another state and could only travel so much. I would cry to him on the phone telling him how much I wished I could be there with him and he was always trying to calm me down telling me I needed to stay put and make sure me and the babies stayed healthy. He would call and tell me about dreams he had had of being in a field and just playing and playing with my babies. The whole nine months I had one CD in my car on repeat Colbie Calliat her "Coco" album. It helped to bring me peace. My dad passed away Feb 2 and my twins were born Feb 27. They brought light, life and hope into my heart at a time when it felt so heavy and dark. They brought with them the most amazing tenderness. I used to love to just stare at them sleeping in the same little bassinet cuddle up together and "feel" their presence. It has been so amazing to watch them grow into their own little people, with their own unique little personalities. To see the amazing relationship and concern they have with each other. They make me laugh daily, yell regularly :) cling to hope no matter what, and always look for the light. I love you my big/little 5 year olds!!

snow girls!

Ahhhhh I had an AMAZING weekend with my girls! We went up to the cabin for a little get away and some fun. It seriously was sooo freaking awesome! We went boarding at Beaver Mountain which I loved loved LOVED! Snowshoeing, eating, watched movies, stayed up late, slept in...had FUN!!

Don't even act like you don't think these pictures are funny!! hahahaha!!

Amanda was bound and determine to get a pic of her doing a snow angel, well here ya go lady!

We are literally laying on top of Bear Lake. It was frozen over so we walked out on our snow shoes and rolled on a top of the lake for bit :)

          Ahhhh sisters!!

   Apparently we love great big tires lol

starting our day..

these boarding pics may look pretty much the same to you sorry... 

busted!

I felt like I was in heaven....for parts of it...

on the lift was not one of those parts..and probably getting off the lift wasn't for April and Rachel I knocked them over almost every time lol

My two final runs I made it without biffing it once!! pure pro

do you see what I see??

homemade snow cones yummy!!

gas station on the lake :)

 This is the lake!!

 right here.

 wow! now THAT'S a sandwich!

AHHHHHH what a weekend!!

time for another holiday

 Ok Valentines is over, moving right along into St Patrick's day!! Easter is the end of March so I feel like St  Patty's gets jipped. Which really is a shame because it has so many cute fun crafts that go along with it. So here we are Feb.15 gettin our green on!! :)

 making four leaf clovers with green paint and green apples

 Lucas said "I'm like an artist." :)