My Strength

 This week has been sososo hard! My Dad taught us to suffer in silence. But this week I have not been able to hold back the tears. My prayers have been for two things; "peace and strength, peace and strength, peace and strength". That's all I want. Is that really too much to ask for? Part of what has been so hard is preparing for my final Relief Society activity (we are moving), which was our Christmas dinner last night. It is one of the most stressful, time consuming activities of the year anyway, on top of everything else that is happening right now in my life anyway, added with the fact that I wanted everything to be PERFECT, are all the perfect ingredients for a great anxiety attack. I made it thru the night with a smile on my face. It was honestly so hard. I have not had such bittersweet feelings since my mission. My love for people here is so great I feel like at some moment my heart will burst. Yet at the same time I am so looking forward to moving on with things and leaving certain things behind, I feel as if my heart will break. Does that make any sense?? I read somewhere once that "strong, great people come from strong, great families" I know that my strength, the little that I have has definitely come from my "strong, great" family. Especially this last little bit. I have felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I feel as tho some people have these expectations of me, like strength, support and guidance. Sometimes it is just so overwhelming. I can't even begin to help others sometimes because I am need of someone to same me. Save me from myself. My craziness. My crazy, crazy emotions, wants and desires. I am sososososo lucky to have my family. They are so much more than a crutch. They are literally my strength.

I would not have made it through this particular night without these wonderful, wonderful girls there to support me. My mom, sister, mother-in law, sister-in-law and two nieces. Half of them probably didn't even realize how badly I needed them, but I did. And thank you to Sharon, Cyndi, and Linzi for singing it was beautiful. I love all of you special ladies so much!!